My family and I are in the process of creating a bright, fun play space for my kids in our basement. The basement is pretty big and, up til a week ago, contained my office in one part and a home gym in another part. Inherent in the process of creating something new in this space, is the reality that the old will have to change or be let go. Partly because I’m a coach and partly because “I’m just like that,” the process has been filled with profound learnings for me.

Like this one, “Getting rid of stuff frees up space.” How’s that for profound? Ok, not so much. Taken literally, that is an obvious statement. As I’ve carted many bags and boxes of stuff to the Goodwill store, beautiful SPACE has appeared in my basement. And taken metaphorically, it works the same way. Getting rid of the ‘stuff’ I no longer need (i.e.: self-doubt, beliefs or assumptions that are not serving me, guilt or anxiety over the coulda, woulda, shoulda’s…) frees up SPACE. SPACE, in this context, might include the likes of mental clarity, energy, sense of calm, belief in myself, joy, and gratitude.

With such wonderful space-making possibilities, I often wonder why I hold on to my stuff so long. Why do you hold on to your stuff so long? Comfort of the known is surely a powerful force at work here. Even when the “known” is stressful, unfulfilling, or guilt producing. Couple comfort of the known with fear of the unknown and we humans aren’t generally too quick to let go of our stuff. The good news is that letting go gets easier the more we do it. Perhaps as we realize the freedom and peacefulness we can experience without the drag of our stuff, forward momentum builds and letting go becomes an empowered choice.

What to keep and what to let go of? Questions that might help point you in a useful direction:

1) What are you tolerating in your life right now?

2) Where does your joy come from?

3) If you had a secret passion, what would it be?

4) What are your 3-5 core values?

“The more you have, the more you are occupied. The less you have, the more free you are.” Mother Theresa

Wishing you and yours a very blessed Thanksgiving!

If you’d like the benefit of exploring “your stuff” with a Certified Professional Coach, please contact me!

Denise@SherpaDeCoaching.com

610.287.2989

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I’ve written before about Appreciative Inquiry (Ai). Ai is a whole-system approach to change grounded in the belief that the system (team, organization, family, etc.) will move towards and therefore get more of those things on which it focuses it’s time, energy, and attention. Or simply stated by Anthony Robbins, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” Appreciative Inquiry, as the name implies, guides the system to focus on what is appreciated, valued, working well, and what we want to create more of.

Ai is a fundamentally different approach to change than many of the traditional problem-solving approaches. The fundamental difference between creating and problem-solving is this: in problem solving we seek to make something we do not like go away. In creating, we seek to make what we truly care about exist. Consider this, written by Peter Senge, renowned leadership author and organizational change expert:

“Of course, most of us, in both professional and private life, spend far more time problem solving and reacting to circumstances than focusing our energies on creating what we really value. Indeed, we can get so caught up in reacting to problems that it is easy to forget what we actually want.

Organizations must do both – resolve day-to-day problems and generate new results. But if your primary role is to fix problems, individually or collectively, rather than create something new and meaningful, it’s hard to maintain a sense of purpose. And without a deep sense of purpose, it’s difficult to harness the energy, passion, commitment, and perseverance needed to thrive in challenging times.

If you wonder which is primary in your work, simply ask yourself or your team, “What are we trying to accomplish today?” Usually teams will describe a set of problems they’re trying to manage. Then, ask what they could accomplish by eliminating those problems. Typically they’ll describe yet another set of problems that could then be tackled – for instance preventing a service breakdown if only they first could solve their interpersonal conflicts. What often is forgotten is the more basic question: what are we trying to create? Without a compelling answer to this question, it is hard to know why all the problem solving actually matters. Problem solving becomes the busywork of organizations in which people have forgotten their purpose or vision. Reconnecting with that purpose always starts with asking questions like: Why are we here? What are we trying to create that will make the world a better place? And, who would miss us if we were gone? (By the way, if you are in a business, “our investors” is never an answer to the last question – investors will always find another company where they can earn an adequate return on their capital.)”

These are powerful questions to ponder, on both a professional and a personal level.  Here they are again:

1. Why are we here? (Why am I here?)
2. What are we trying to create that will make the world a better place? (What am I trying to create that will make the world a better place?)
3. Who would miss us if we were gone? (Who would miss me if I were gone?)

Here is my answer to the first question, professionally speaking. I am here to guide each individual with whom I work in discovering the creative, resourceful, whole, and worthy human being that he or she is and to guide him/her in stepping fully into that being.

Sound intriguing? Call me. Email me. Or better yet, take my “Healthiest You” assessment and I’ll contact you to debrief it together – it’s on me!

Better Because of you; a positive movement to share the many things, ways, and people that are making our lives a little better.

Need some inspiration? I recently stumbled upon a cool new “movement” called Better Because. Founded by Ginny Hutchinson and Cathy Haffner, Better Because is about making a positive difference and bettering the lives of people throughout the world. One way they do this is through educational grants. Another way is by providing weekly inspiration and stories via their “Better Because e-Message”. Check it all out at their website: http://www.betterbecause.com/

I love receiving their weekly messages among my “daily grind” emails (except the ones from you, of course!). I can always use a reminder that joy and happiness are found wherever I choose to look for them; in the little things and the everyday moments. Better Because’s ideas are right in alignment with the philosophy of Appreciative Inquiry (Ai), which is the paradigm behind much of my coaching and organizational development consulting. Ai focuses on possibilities, on what’s working or what’s good about a situation, and on what those involved want to create together to move them towards their desired future.

I wrote about Ai in two previous blog posts, which you can read here:

Appreciative Inquiry, part 1

Appreciative Inquiry, part 2

So what and who make your life better? Tell them today. And tell me too; you can post a comment here on my blog.

My last blog entry talked about an approach or method for creating positive change called Appreciative Inquiry (Ai). In addition to its usefulness as an organization change tool, Ai is also very effective for creating positive change in individual lives. Often called Appreciative Living, the idea, simply stated, is a daily focus on what is already working in your relationships and in your life, building upon these areas to create more of the life you want. Following are two familiar concepts to illustrate the basis for Appreciative Living.

You reap what you sow. If you sow tomato plants, you will reap tomatoes. If you sow creativity, you will reap innovation. If you sow the belief that the result you want is impossible, you will reap something less than that result. Make sense?

See if this makes sense too. Have you ever noticed that you will always see what you are expecting to see? When we expect someone to behave in a certain way, for example my mate to behave impatiently, we will almost certainly be presented with that behavior. It’s not that other behaviors have not also presented themselves, we just may not have been watching for them and we may miss them or ignore them.

If you find some truth in the concepts above, then consider how they apply to your own life, your relationships, your work, your goals. You can use the exercise below to illuminate areas for more Appreciative Living.

1)     Spend time noticing what you notice. What do you find yourself focusing on, being drawn to, or paying attention to in your environment and your interactions? Spend a day or two simply noticing what you notice, and write it down.

2)     Then spend a day or two focusing on what’s working, what’s good about your situation, what you admire about your mate, what you love about your children, what you appreciate about your co-workers, etc. Go looking for it intentionally and see what you find. Write down what you notice.

3)     Review what you wrote about in step 1. As objectively as you can, read through what you noticed and see if you can identify any limiting beliefs or negative assumptions that you are making (about yourself, others, or the situation). Set an intention to let these go. You can replace them with greater open-mindedness and more curiosity about yourself, others, and the situation.

This type of self-reflection, honesty about beliefs and assumptions, and the willingness and courage to try something new is not commonplace behavior. Nor is it necessarily easy. I do know, however, that the outcomes can be powerful and very positive. Let me know if any of these ideas raise your interest or curiosity. I would really enjoy exploring new possibilities with you.

www.SherpaDeCoaching.com

I am writing this from a weather-beaten Adirondack chair while enjoying the late afternoon sunshine. My chair and I are sitting on the sandy shore of Lac Pytonga, a pristine and secluded lake out in the wilds of Quebec, Canada. My family and I have been here for just 3 days now and it is hard to remember what else I do. That is, what else I do besides sleep-in, swim in the crystal mountain lake, go for long boat rides, and enjoy unscheduled lazy time with my husband and children. This amazing place and time provides much to be appreciative about; which actually reminds me of one other thing I do; I appreciate.

I bring an appreciative paradigm to my coaching and organizational development work. This is an approach that focuses on possibilities, not problems; on what’s working or what’s good about a situation, not what’s broken; on what those involved want to create together to move them towards their desired future, not on what’s “in the gap” that needs to be fixed or enhanced. This approach is called Appreciative Inquiry (Ai).

Ai is one of today’s most recognized approaches to creating positive change. It is used in businesses, community organizations, and social systems. Ai is the cooperative search for what’s working; what we are already doing well that we can build on to create what’s desired next. A key principle of Ai is that sustainable positive change must be truly co-created. It is “whole system change,” meaning we involve every person within the system at some level, making sure every voice is heard and considered. There are several inspiring case studies publicly available that demonstrate the power in this work. Here are links to a few:

Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Growth Journey (an oldie but goodie)

Canadian Tire Team Values (an even older goodie)

Fostoria Community Schools Revitalization

I’ll be writing more about Appreciative Inquiry with ideas and exercises for integrating aspects of it with your work and your life. I hope you’ll return to learn more and experiment with the possibilities an appreciative paradigm might create for you.