Recently, my mom and I traveled to NY for a family wedding. The bride was the daughter of my mom’s cousin Vinnie (we’re Sicilian; there are a lot of Vinnie’s in the family). I have not seen many of these relatives since I was a very young girl, and there were many others whom I had never met. What a wonderful time! So much conversation, laughing, reminiscing, hugging, and, of course, eating!

As I reflect on the weekend, a couple of thoughts come up that I want to share.

1. Community. I realized how important it is to me to spend time with my larger family community. Knowing that I belong to a tribe is comforting. We share values, beliefs, traditions; and that creates a sense of being understood and valued at a pretty core level.
2. Aliveness. Sicilians are often stereotyped as having a zest for life; a great sense of aliveness. I received a compliment once that really touched me: “You are the most alive person I know.”  When I am living in an ALIVE way, I am grateful, authentic, accepting, practicing good self-care, spending time in nature and with the people who nourish my soul.
3. Roots. Connecting with my family’s roots or origin continues to become more important to me as I age. Recently I’ve learned that there is an Italian village that bears my family name. And where some of our customs and traditions originated, along with their significance. Seeing myself as one brush stroke on a huge painting that also includes generation after generation of my ancestors, is a helpful perspective for me to consider when I become bogged down with or frustrated by realities of my daily life.
4. People matter. When mom and I were leaving to head back home, I thanked my mom’s cousin, the mother of the bride. I thanked her for a wonderful visit, for her generous hospitality, and for the great food(!). Her reply was, “You’re welcome. This is what we do. You know that, you’re Italian. We gather, we feed, we embrace people.”

My new mantra to live into: I gather, I feed (nourish), I embrace people.

Men, please don’t take offense at what I’ll say next. One of the things I love most about being a coach is the opportunities I am given to work with other women. Just as there is a certain fraternity among men, so too is there a special kind of sisterhood among women. While we are each undoubtedly unique, we are each strikingly similar.

If you visualize life as one long chronological path, from birth until death, we all have our respective place along the path. Presently, I am somewhere in the middle; hopefully not quite halfway yet, but I’m darn close. As such, I find myself in the unique dual-position of being both mentor and student. Teacher to the generations of women coming up behind me, which include my own daughter and nieces, and at the same time, student to the wise women walking ahead of me. One thing I’ve learned with certainty is that no matter where we are on the path, we all have something to give and to share with one another.

My women’s retreats, provide the space and the time for us to do that. There is such positive energy and connection at these gatherings, where women of different ages, backgrounds, professions, and life situations, come to witness one another’s experience, learning, and growth. My next retreat is taking place on Saturday, November 6, 2010. Watch the introductory video below. I hope you will join us.

And if you’re a man reading this (thanks for sticking with me this far!), please forward to all the women in your life. They deserve a retreat like this!

Register now!

Got questions? Call me at 610.287.2989 or email me at
Denise@SherpaDeCoaching.com

I am a huge fan of the question. I’m sure I drove my parents more than a little crazy with all my questions as a child. What was that like? What for? What if? Why not? (that’s still one of my favorites).  Then we grow up and start believing that it is good and right to have answers, not questions. In the context of human relationships, however, I am here to say that questions still trump answers. In the context of relationships, when someone believes he or she has ‘the answer,’ it is often really an assumption. Being curious is about letting go of assumptions and becoming an explorer of the territory of the relationship.

Curiosity is open, inviting, spacious, almost playful. And yet it is also enormously powerful. Like scientific curiosity, which explores the deepest questions of matter, life, and the universe, curiosity in relationships allows individuals to enter the deepest areas of themselves and their lives, simply looking, curious about what they will find^{. 1} And something else that’s really cool about curiosity is that it cannot co-exist with judgment. So when we are being truly curious (open, inviting, spacious), we simply cannot be judgmental. Think about it.

Here is my Top 7 List of favorite questions for getting curious about another person:

1. What’s important to you about that?
2. What do you want / need?
3. What’s that like for you?
4. What are you learning from that?
5. How is that impacting you? How is that impacting your ________ (work, health, body, family,…)
6. What are you most grateful for in your life?
7. What’s next for you?

Try one or two of them out (or one of your own) next time you are in conversation with someone.  Curious questions will deepen the conversation and the connection you experience with the other person.

And here are my two questions for you:

1. What is it you are ready to explore more fully in your life?
2. What about yourself would you like to stop judging and start getting curious about?

As your coach, I will support you in your exploration, help you gain clarity around what you are saying yes to in life and what you are saying no to, and help you take action from a place of empowered choice.  Call me. Email me. Let’s set up a time for a free sample coaching session.

¹ Co-Active Coaching, New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life by Laura Whitworth, Karen Kimsey-House, Henry Kimsey-House, and Phillip Sandahl

One of the niche areas I focus my coaching practice on is working with individuals who want to reduce their environmental footprint; to learn new choices or approaches that create greater planetary health. One area I am particularly passionate about is food. It is part of my personal mission to help people understand why and how to make different food choices; choices that include understanding the terms sustainable, organic, conventional, etc., exploring traditional (“old-fashioned”) food preparation methods, building relationships with local farmers, and having the peace-of-mind of knowing where your food comes from.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a new USDA initiative called “Know Your Farmer, Know Your Food” that is focused on connecting local consumers with local food producers in an effort to revitalize communities. I wanted to add to my previous comments about the importance of this initiative and of buying locally grown food.

Environmentally speaking, food purchased in the same local region where it was produced does not require the massive amounts of fuel and energy as most of the food you find in the average supermarket. Most of the fresh foods sold in the US today are grown in California, Florida, or Washington, and are then shipped to your local store. It is estimated that food travels an average of 1,300 miles from farm to table! That’s a whole lot of carbon dioxide emissions and packing materials.

Economically speaking, buying locally, and especially direct from the farmer, ensures that the farmers receive a larger share of the profit for their food and helps to make farming more profitable (and selling farmland for development less attractive).  Local farmers spend their money with local merchants. The money stays in town where it benefits everyone and builds a stronger local economy. Independent, family-owned farms supply more local jobs and contribute to the local economy at higher rates than do large, corporate-owned farms.

And from a health standpoint, purchasing food direct from the farmers who grew/raised it allows for a few things to happen:

• Most local farm operations are smaller and more open than large factory farms. You can go and visit and explore firsthand how the animals and the people working the farm are cared for and to learn about the processes involved in growing and producing your food.
• Knowing where your food comes from and how it is grown or raised enables you to choose safe food from farmers who avoid or reduce their use of chemicals, pesticides, hormones, antibiotics, or genetically modified seed in their operations.
• Most local farmers also live on the farms they work. They have a relationship with the land there and a vested interest in taking proper measures to keep their land and environment healthy so it will continue to produce healthy food.
• Local produce is frequently picked within a day or two of the consumer’s purchase. The longer the fruit/vegetable is allowed to ripen and mature in the earth, the more nutrients (and flavor) it will contain. In many cases, you can go right to the farm or orchard and pick your produce yourself.

There are so many reasons to seek out local sources of food. And finding sources close to you is pretty easy these days. Here is a link to one of many websites where you can search for local farmers’ markets, farms, CSAs, and more.   http://www.localharvest.org

I’ll talk about CSAs and some of the local food opportunities in my community in my next post. In the meantime, let me know if you want to explore your personal food choices and nutrition in detail. I’d love to help you get started.

www.SherpaDeCoaching.com

What are you doing next Tuesday? How about spending some time with me at Ursinus College? My friend and colleague, James Johnson, has put together an outstanding lineup for our Community Investment Conference being held in Olin Hall at Ursinus on Tuesday, October 20^th. Subtitled, It Takes a Village to Raise a Village, the conference is the place for local leaders, non-profit staff members, members of businesses and government to exchange information, ideas, and build alliances. The day is packed full of informative breakout sessions on topics such as leadership, fundraising, building community wealth, effective boards and committees, community projects for youth and adults, and techniques for getting community members more involved.

Download the full conference brochure here:  http://sunconsult.net/files/CICBrochure.pdf

I’ll be there to kickoff the morning with a little networking activity, followed by a plenary session. Over lunch, James has a diverse group assembled, promising a lively and informative panel discussion.

Whether you can join us next Tuesday or not, here are a couple of questions for consideration:

1. What talents, gifts, and passion do you have to offer your community?
2. What impact might you make (or are already making) on your community?
3. What three wishes do you have for your community?

My answers are:

1. Passion for and skilled at bringing people together to engage in important conversations. Passion for the planet, our health, and how the two are interconnected.
2. My greatest impact currently seems to be in opening lines of communication and getting projects started. A need will present itself and I’ll get a phone call to come in, help get the spark ignited, teach skills to fan the flames (i.e.: bring the people together for a conversation or two, help them develop ideas and action plans, create the structure for the plans to be implemented and evaluated), and then I’m moving on to the next place/group.
3. 1) more emerging leaders; 2) more people choosing to support local businesses and local farmers; 3) greater health through better choices, especially for our children

Please post your responses and comments below.

One of the niche areas I focus my coaching practice on is working with individuals who want to reduce their environmental footprint; to learn new choices or approaches that create greater planetary health. One area I am particularly passionate about is food. It is part of my personal mission to help people understand why and how to make different food choices; choices that include understanding the terms sustainable, organic, conventional, etc., exploring traditional (“old-fashioned”) food preparation methods, building relationships with local farmers, and having the peace-of-mind of knowing where your food comes from.

Do you know where your food comes from? And I don’t mean the grocery store. Looking lower down on the food chain, where were the ‘raw materials’ making up your food grown? In what manner were they cared for and produced? How did they get from their place of origin to your grocery store? If you’ve been following the sustainable food conversation happening for some time now, you probably already know the importance of seeking out and purchasing food through local sources.  This is important on many fronts, including economic, environment, and health, to name a few.

Economically speaking, and stated simply by USDA Deputy Agriculture Secretary Kathleen Merrigan,  “by connecting local consumers with their local food producers, local wealth stays in local economies, and rural communities get revitalized.” This is also the intention behind the USDA’s recently announced initiative, “Know Your Farmer, Know Your Food.” Among other aspects, the initiative will provide funding and assistance for schools to partner with local farms in providing healthy, fresh food for school lunches. Read a news article and view a short video about the initiative here: http://www.kticam.com/news/agricultural/50733a14-cdc5-4b96-a6eb-81e9c80c67b5

For a sustainable food fanatic like myself, this announcement is exciting, yet frankly sounds a little “too good to be true” and is raising a lot of questions for me. I’ll continue to explore these and report back here. I’d love to hear your questions and comments as well. Stay tuned as I’ll write about the environmental and health impacts of local food economies in my next blog posts.

Until then, a question to consider: what resources do you have in your community to help you find and purchase locally grown and produced meats, grains, eggs, produce, dairy products, etc.?

Not sure? Let me know. I’d love to help you get started. www.SherpaDeCoaching.com

Last month, I was honored with the opportunity to be interviewed by Dafna Michaelson, Journey Woman. Dafna is on a yearlong journey to meet and talk with community problem solvers in each of America’s 50 states. I was selected as a community problem-solver in the state of Pennsylvania where I live and work. I will share more about the current community project I am involved with in a later post.  But first, a little bit about Dafna and her journey, called 50-in-52 Journey.

1 single mom | 50 states | 52 weeks

A journey to find the people moving America forward

Dafna’s tagline above declares her purpose.

I asked her how this all began for her. She said it started as one of those “what would you do if you won the lottery” conversations. Her lottery-winning plans would include traveling around the country to meet with each state governor and find out what is being done to create a better, more connected America. Well, she didn’t win the lottery, but the idea would not leave her alone. And rather than meeting with state governors, the idea appealed to Dafna’s to take a more grassroots approach and seek out the individuals who are doing the actual work of moving America forward. So each week for a year, Dafna is visiting a different state (thus the name 50-in-52 Journey). She is finding people who are identifying opportunities or needs and taking initiative to create a more desired future for their community. Her website has videos, blog posts, twitter links, and more where you can meet the people Dafna’s visited thus far and hear their stories. http://www.50in52journey.com/

You can watch the video of my interview with Dafna at (and let me warn you ahead of time that I am Italian and find it nearly impossible to talk without use of my hands):

http://www.50in52journey.com/states/Pennsylvania5.asp

Dafna really inspired me with her vision of what she’ll do when this journey comes to an end. She has seen firsthand the possibilities and potentials for our country, as well as the heartaches of current reality for many people. Dafna, being a community problem-solver herself, has a vision for connecting people from different locations around the country through a program she plans to start which will include: bringing people with similar needs together to create a “community of practice”, facilitating dialogue within the community-of-practice to identify steps forward for bringing the desired changes to life, and helping the community-of-practice create a business case for their plans, acquire funding, etc. I hope to have the opportunity to be involved in helping Dafna plan and facilitate these community-of-practice conversations.

A question to leave you with: Think about where you have noticed a need in your neighborhood, school system, municipality, or community. What is your community calling for now and what might your role be in creating that calling?

My last blog entry talked about an approach or method for creating positive change called Appreciative Inquiry (Ai). In addition to its usefulness as an organization change tool, Ai is also very effective for creating positive change in individual lives. Often called Appreciative Living, the idea, simply stated, is a daily focus on what is already working in your relationships and in your life, building upon these areas to create more of the life you want. Following are two familiar concepts to illustrate the basis for Appreciative Living.

You reap what you sow. If you sow tomato plants, you will reap tomatoes. If you sow creativity, you will reap innovation. If you sow the belief that the result you want is impossible, you will reap something less than that result. Make sense?

See if this makes sense too. Have you ever noticed that you will always see what you are expecting to see? When we expect someone to behave in a certain way, for example my mate to behave impatiently, we will almost certainly be presented with that behavior. It’s not that other behaviors have not also presented themselves, we just may not have been watching for them and we may miss them or ignore them.

If you find some truth in the concepts above, then consider how they apply to your own life, your relationships, your work, your goals. You can use the exercise below to illuminate areas for more Appreciative Living.

1)     Spend time noticing what you notice. What do you find yourself focusing on, being drawn to, or paying attention to in your environment and your interactions? Spend a day or two simply noticing what you notice, and write it down.

2)     Then spend a day or two focusing on what’s working, what’s good about your situation, what you admire about your mate, what you love about your children, what you appreciate about your co-workers, etc. Go looking for it intentionally and see what you find. Write down what you notice.

3)     Review what you wrote about in step 1. As objectively as you can, read through what you noticed and see if you can identify any limiting beliefs or negative assumptions that you are making (about yourself, others, or the situation). Set an intention to let these go. You can replace them with greater open-mindedness and more curiosity about yourself, others, and the situation.

This type of self-reflection, honesty about beliefs and assumptions, and the willingness and courage to try something new is not commonplace behavior. Nor is it necessarily easy. I do know, however, that the outcomes can be powerful and very positive. Let me know if any of these ideas raise your interest or curiosity. I would really enjoy exploring new possibilities with you.

www.SherpaDeCoaching.com

I am writing this from a weather-beaten Adirondack chair while enjoying the late afternoon sunshine. My chair and I are sitting on the sandy shore of Lac Pytonga, a pristine and secluded lake out in the wilds of Quebec, Canada. My family and I have been here for just 3 days now and it is hard to remember what else I do. That is, what else I do besides sleep-in, swim in the crystal mountain lake, go for long boat rides, and enjoy unscheduled lazy time with my husband and children. This amazing place and time provides much to be appreciative about; which actually reminds me of one other thing I do; I appreciate.

I bring an appreciative paradigm to my coaching and organizational development work. This is an approach that focuses on possibilities, not problems; on what’s working or what’s good about a situation, not what’s broken; on what those involved want to create together to move them towards their desired future, not on what’s “in the gap” that needs to be fixed or enhanced. This approach is called Appreciative Inquiry (Ai).

Ai is one of today’s most recognized approaches to creating positive change. It is used in businesses, community organizations, and social systems. Ai is the cooperative search for what’s working; what we are already doing well that we can build on to create what’s desired next. A key principle of Ai is that sustainable positive change must be truly co-created. It is “whole system change,” meaning we involve every person within the system at some level, making sure every voice is heard and considered. There are several inspiring case studies publicly available that demonstrate the power in this work. Here are links to a few:

Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Growth Journey (an oldie but goodie)

Canadian Tire Team Values (an even older goodie)

Fostoria Community Schools Revitalization

I’ll be writing more about Appreciative Inquiry with ideas and exercises for integrating aspects of it with your work and your life. I hope you’ll return to learn more and experiment with the possibilities an appreciative paradigm might create for you.

I had a picnic lunch with a friend the other day. You know, your typical picnic of miso soup, sushi, and Perrier water! The conversation soon became typical also (for me anyway), and covered ideas about what it means to be in community, where in the world (geographically) we’ve witnessed the greatest sense of community, and what it would be like to have that in our own small town.

Something my friend said has really stayed with me. In commenting on what it was like for him when he first moved to our town, he spoke about feeling unwelcome, or like an outsider, based on the way people interacted with him. Rather than being given eye contact and a smile, he noticed people looking away, avoiding eye contact. Rather than being approached with curiosity, he felt approached with judgement, as if others were “summing him up” solely on what they saw at that moment.

So I’ve been paying more attention to the behaviors I observe as people, myself included, have the opportunity to interact. Sometimes people grab the opportunity and contact is made. In many cases, however, contact is avoided and an opportunity is lost. When you pass by another person on the street, in the hallway at the office, in the mall, do you make eye contact and smile? Do you look away, avoiding the other’s face? Take a minute to become aware of your typical reaction, whatever it is. Then ask yourself, what is being created by your action at that moment. How can you use contact opportunities to create inclusivity and community?