I am a huge fan of the question. I’m sure I drove my parents more than a little crazy with all my questions as a child. What was that like? What for? What if? Why not? (that’s still one of my favorites).  Then we grow up and start believing that it is good and right to have answers, not questions. In the context of human relationships, however, I am here to say that questions still trump answers. In the context of relationships, when someone believes he or she has ‘the answer,’ it is often really an assumption. Being curious is about letting go of assumptions and becoming an explorer of the territory of the relationship.

Curiosity is open, inviting, spacious, almost playful. And yet it is also enormously powerful. Like scientific curiosity, which explores the deepest questions of matter, life, and the universe, curiosity in relationships allows individuals to enter the deepest areas of themselves and their lives, simply looking, curious about what they will find^{. 1} And something else that’s really cool about curiosity is that it cannot co-exist with judgment. So when we are being truly curious (open, inviting, spacious), we simply cannot be judgmental. Think about it.

Here is my Top 7 List of favorite questions for getting curious about another person:

1. What’s important to you about that?
2. What do you want / need?
3. What’s that like for you?
4. What are you learning from that?
5. How is that impacting you? How is that impacting your ________ (work, health, body, family,…)
6. What are you most grateful for in your life?
7. What’s next for you?

Try one or two of them out (or one of your own) next time you are in conversation with someone.  Curious questions will deepen the conversation and the connection you experience with the other person.

And here are my two questions for you:

1. What is it you are ready to explore more fully in your life?
2. What about yourself would you like to stop judging and start getting curious about?

As your coach, I will support you in your exploration, help you gain clarity around what you are saying yes to in life and what you are saying no to, and help you take action from a place of empowered choice.  Call me. Email me. Let’s set up a time for a free sample coaching session.

¹ Co-Active Coaching, New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life by Laura Whitworth, Karen Kimsey-House, Henry Kimsey-House, and Phillip Sandahl

“Leadership is a process by which a person influences others to accomplish an objective and directs the organization in a way that makes it more cohesive and coherent.”

- Source Unknown

Effectively leading an organization, as the quote above states, implies a level of success at both accomplishing objectives and fostering cohesion within the organization. This requires that a leadership team focus on both “tasks” and “relationships” in order to sustain positive results for the organization. I blogged a while back about the need for balance between a team’s task focus (goals, objectives, deliverables, results) and it’s relationship focus (how people relate to one another, the quality of the interactions, level of authenticity and openness, and generally how well people like each other).

There are many useful models, books and assessments available to guide a leadership team’s analysis of their performance as it relates to this duality. The model I am writing about here is one I use frequently in my team building and organizational development work: The Five Dysfunctions of Team by Patrick Lencioni.

In this engaging fable and well explained management book, Lencioni writes a very readable fictional story of how a newly appointed chief executive sets about improving the performance of the top leadership team in a failing company. Lencioni has a way of developing the characters and unfolding the story so that the reader relates and connects with the scenario. I’ve been amazed by the fact that every team I’ve introduced to this book, from scientists at a biotech firm to managers in an IKEA warehouse, has the same response: “That’s us!” or “I felt like he was describing our team!”

The story begins with the new CEO taking time to get to know the team before leading them through a series of steps and exercises. The steps and exercises will raise team members’ awareness to the patterns of behavior getting in their way and what new behaviors are necessary to create the results they all desire. So, first a focus on “relationship” and then on “task.”

Let’s look briefly at the five components of the model and how it might apply or be useful within your own team. If you know me personally or read my blog regularly, you probably know that I am a proponent of Appreciative Inquiry and the language of positivity. I prefer to look at Lencioni’s 5-part model from the perspective of “fundamentals” to be mastered, and not “dysfunctions” to be overcome. Thus, the language shift:

1. The first fundamental is Trust. This is not just a reliability-based trust, as in “I trust her to get that done on time,” but also a vulnerability-based trust. This is the kind of trust that allows team members to be real, to be genuinely open with each other about their mistakes and weaknesses, to offer or ask for help unashamedly, and to bring all of who they are to the team (the good, the bad, and the ugly).
2. With a high level of trust, openness, and “real-ness,” team members are ready to master the next fundamental: passionate debate, robust dialogue, or simply put: ‘conflict’. Trusting teams are capable of fully and honestly debating issues, disagreeing with and challenging one another, hearing all opinions and viewpoints, and putting the important, and oftentimes, difficult issues on the table for discussion.
3. The ability to openly discuss issues leads to team member Commitment, the third fundamental. When team members are able to fully air their views, to feel that their opinions and knowledge are valued, and to understand the perspectives of other teammates, they are very likely to support and be fully committed to the decisions of the group.
4. Only when team members are fully bought into the decisions of the group, can there be true Accountability (fundamental #4). How can someone stand up and be counted on issues they were not completely committed to in the first place? In fact, on a team operating at the level described thus far (high level of vulnerability-based trust, willingness and ability to talk through the real issues, unambiguous decisions fully supported by all team members) individuals often possess a strong sense of ownership and identify themselves with the success and achievements of the team. These team members tend to hold themselves more accountable and take great pride in their membership on the team.
5. Accountability creates an environment that leads to the fifth fundamental, Results. Desired results are achieved and team performance is meeting (and maybe exceeding) expectations. In the case of a leadership team, team members’ focus in on organizational results and the collective needs of the team; not on their specific department or even their individual needs (such as ego, career, recognition or reward).

Are you finding this information interesting or resonant? Maybe you’re wondering where your team’s greatest opportunities lie for mastering each fundamental. Let’s find out! You can start by completing my complimentary teamwork assessment to see which behaviors you personally feel most comfortable or skilled with and which behaviors you are less comfortable using.

You can also learn more about the Five Dysfunctions of a Team model by reading the two articles below, both written by Patrick Lencioni:

Conquer Team Dysfunction

The Trouble with Teamwork

Here is the link again for your complimentary teamwork assessment. Once you complete it, I’ll email you to arrange a time we can review and interpret your responses together.

Recently, I had an opportunity to facilitate a leadership retreat for a small group of college students. About midway through the day, I had a minor revelation: My role there was much more than “facilitator.” As facilitator, my role is to set up learning opportunities, let the process unfold as it will, and then help the group members make connections to their “real-world” by asking good questions and guiding a reflective discussion. I sensed a real difference in my purpose here as I was getting to know these future leaders; that is, I was a living, breathing example and role model of “leadership.” There was an unstated expectation that I would teach or impart my own leadership wisdom, experiences, apprehensions, and mistakes within this group. After all, these students will someday be the leaders of our businesses, our financial institutions, our government. These students will one day be leading the next generation, including my own two children.

As we sat together in a circle on the floor, the students and I engaged in one of those conversations that leaves you very content yet very contemplative. I’d like to share a few of the nuggets of wisdom that emerged from our time together:

• Being the leader does not mean you are expected to have all the right answers and to know everything. People are too smart for that and are looking for leaders who can be REAL and AUTHENTIC with the courage to admit when they are unsure and to unabashedly ask for help when they need it.
• It is our nature to make ASSUMPTIONS. Assumptions are useful and help us to not “reinvent-the-wheel” every time we are faced with a decision or situation. However, assumptions are also dangerous if not validated by stakeholders on a periodic basis. Airing and validating assumptions within a team is a critical leadership task.
• CURIOSITY is a critical leadership skill. When we are curious, we ask more questions, seeking to understand a person or a situation. When we are curious, we are open. We are not making assumptions, as assumptions and curiosity cannot co-exist.
• Spending time on what is often viewed as the “fluff” of building a team, is never wasted time. By that I mean, spending time getting to know team members outside of the work environment, to learn about what makes them tick, their interests, family background, etc. and having some fun together. It is so true that laughter is a strong glue, capable of holding teams together. As Aristotle once said, “You learn more about someone in an hour of play then in a year of work.”
• Oh, how important it is (and a great time saver too) to ensure we have CLARITY and COMMITMENT on a team before closing a meeting or discussion. Assuming silence equals agreement is a big mistake. Another critical leadership skill then, is the willingness to risk that sense of harmony, albeit artificial, by double checking with each team member for agreement and understanding around decisions made.

I believe that in all we do, we are planting seeds, some to be sown at a future time and place that we may never know about. As business leaders, we probably will never realize the extent of the impact we have on the employees entrusted to us, and on the people who they lead, including their families. What a tremendous responsibility! It is my hope that we will all make our choices wisely, being mindful of the far-reaching ripples we cast out with our words and actions.
I know the students felt the retreat was a good use of their time and they all left with some new learnings. I sure did too.

I am writing this from a weather-beaten Adirondack chair while enjoying the late afternoon sunshine. My chair and I are sitting on the sandy shore of Lac Pytonga, a pristine and secluded lake out in the wilds of Quebec, Canada. My family and I have been here for just 3 days now and it is hard to remember what else I do. That is, what else I do besides sleep-in, swim in the crystal mountain lake, go for long boat rides, and enjoy unscheduled lazy time with my husband and children. This amazing place and time provides much to be appreciative about; which actually reminds me of one other thing I do; I appreciate.

I bring an appreciative paradigm to my coaching and organizational development work. This is an approach that focuses on possibilities, not problems; on what’s working or what’s good about a situation, not what’s broken; on what those involved want to create together to move them towards their desired future, not on what’s “in the gap” that needs to be fixed or enhanced. This approach is called Appreciative Inquiry (Ai).

Ai is one of today’s most recognized approaches to creating positive change. It is used in businesses, community organizations, and social systems. Ai is the cooperative search for what’s working; what we are already doing well that we can build on to create what’s desired next. A key principle of Ai is that sustainable positive change must be truly co-created. It is “whole system change,” meaning we involve every person within the system at some level, making sure every voice is heard and considered. There are several inspiring case studies publicly available that demonstrate the power in this work. Here are links to a few:

Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Growth Journey (an oldie but goodie)

Canadian Tire Team Values (an even older goodie)

Fostoria Community Schools Revitalization

I’ll be writing more about Appreciative Inquiry with ideas and exercises for integrating aspects of it with your work and your life. I hope you’ll return to learn more and experiment with the possibilities an appreciative paradigm might create for you.

I recently completed my first triathlon. Actually, that’s not exactly true, due to a race time decision to cancel the swim portion, making it a biathlon (that’s a whole other story you’ll see posted here shortly). Nevertheless, I trained for a triathlon, which was a real balancing act for me, a business owner, wife and mother, with zero “spare time.” Preparing for an event comprised of three unique activities (swim, bike, run) stretched me in many ways.

During my couple months of training, I often thought about how the triathlon training was similar to the “training” necessary to build a successful and cohesive team. While there are many, many aspects involved in building a really great team, I’ll categorize them into three broad areas: relationships, tasks, and process.

• Relationships involve how people relate to one another, the quality of the interactions, level of authenticity and openness, and generally how well people like each other and want to be together.
• Tasks involve the goals, objectives, deliverables, results the team is working towards and the daily operational aspects of getting the job done.
• Process involves the way the team goes about getting the job done. How are decisions made? What happens when we disagree? Are we involving everyone necessary in the problem-solving process? Are people kept informed and is the communication thorough and effective? etc

First, similar to triathlon training, to build a great team you’ve got three unique areas to work on simultaneously; each requiring different strengths and a different approach to developing those strengths. Second, most people come to triathlon training (and to their team) having some experience and skill in one, perhaps two, of the unique areas. For instance, I am primarily a runner and have competed in many foot races, from 10Ks to a marathon so the running portion of the triathlon was of no concern to me. And I love to ride my road bike. Though I am not especially competitive in that area, I was looking forward to the long bike ride during the race. Swimming? Well, let’s just say I came to the training aware of some basics (like you kick your feet). The swim was the component I felt least confident about and really had to focus on in my training.

So the challenge in triathlon training and in building a great team lies in balancing the dynamics. How much focus do we place on one area over another at any given time? How will our approach differ when nurturing trust and positive relationships, compared to when we are preparing the details of a project plan?

It goes without saying that in triathlon training, if you neglect one area, you’re probably not gonna win, and maybe not even be competitive, when it counts. This is also true in building great teams. Each of the three areas, relationships, tasks, and process, requires regular attention if you expect your team to remain competitive and to win.

Some questions to think about with your team:

1. What relationship(s) needs attention right now?
2. Have we, as a team, proactively spent time clarifying expectations of one another?
3. What might be needed now to move us closer to our goals/deliverables

Good luck! And like competitive athletes, successful teams benefit greatly from the guidance and objectivity of a coach. Let me know if you need one; I’d love to work with you!

One of the most common scenarios I am asked about by team leaders is how to help geographically dispersed team members become more cohesive and operate with a strong sense of team unity. Sound familiar to you too?

As they say, there is no substitute for face time; and I would agree. I am big fan of face time. For most organizations with virtual teams however, face time is not a frequently occurring situation (especially in a down economy). And building a cohesive team requires frequent, intentional interactions. It is important to regularly look for and talk about the things the team does well and to engage in retrospective dialogue around setbacks and “failures” to learn as much as you can and keep the team moving forward.  Below are three suggestions to get you started.

1. The foundational step in creating a cohesive team is building trust. Towards trust building, it is useful for people to spend time getting to know each other and exploring their similarities and uniqueness. Prepare 2 or 3 “self-disclosure” questions prior to each meeting and have every team member take a turn responding, round robin fashion. Questions can progress from fun trivia type questions to more meaningful or work-related questions as the trust builds. For example, “What is your favorite vacation spot?” is a risk-free question, while, “Who in your life has most influenced your career? What did he/she do?” may feel more risky to some. The purpose is to allow for discovery of the things people have in common and to gain greater insight into what makes each other tick.  Team members might rotate the job of coming up with the questions and facilitating the discussion.
2. Another important step towards trust building is providing the space for team members to discuss individual expectations and the values that are important to them as a member of the group. Ask team members to think about what they value most in relationships and come prepared to each share their top 3 values. After each team member shares his/her list, explore commonalities and themes. Build this into the team’s Guiding Principles or Operating Agreement and have each team member verbally agree to uphold. This leads nicely into an opportunity to proactively talk about the area where most teams have trouble: accountability. Explore questions like: “How will we know that we’re doing/upholding ‘abc value’? What will be different or enhanced?” “What will we do when someone violates a guiding principle?” “How will we handle accountability?”  This could all be done in one long meeting or divided into segments to be facilitated over a few team meetings.
3. As trust builds and the Team Guiding Principles take shape, plan 10-15min at the beginning of each team meeting for a “team process check-in.” This is the time, before the team begins discussing the tasks at hand, to focus on the process of being a cohesive team. At each meeting, pose a question for the team to explore together. Examples include:

• What’s good about the way we’ve been making decisions together? What’s working well for us?
• What would you (each team member) like to see more of regarding our communication about “abc”?
• Let’s reflect on Project X (just concluded). Name 1 or 2 things we did really well and how it contributed to the project’s success.
• What wins or successes are we celebrating today (remember to include the small everyday ones)?

Consider what might be possible when your team engages in this level of Everyday Teambuilding throughout the year. What results could you expect to see that you are not seeing today?

Experts agree, trust is a necessity if you want a high performing and cohesive team (I decided against listing dozens of citations to support that. You’ve probably seen many of them already; they’re everywhere). When you think about what’s needed to build a solid foundation of trust, you may think of ideas such as:

• being honest with one another (admitting mistakes, asking for help when needed),
• authenticity (say what you mean and mean what you say)
• integrity (walk your talk)
• reliability (do what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re doing to do it)
• accountability (calling one another one behaviors that hurt the team; addressing poor performance)

I would agree; and certainly not an all-inclusive list. One key element in building trust, is actually a prerequisite to all those listed above: COURAGE. It’s a courageous person who can readily admit his/her mistakes to teammates, or who can open up the dialogue around the controversial issue that has become the “elephant in the room.” And I have never, not once, witnessed a team member [respectfully] calling another on an unproductive behavior without a second or two of nearly tangible courage-mustering.

How courageous are you? Your response will undoubtedly vary based on the context. What makes it difficult (or easy) to be courageous in certain situations? How can we intentionally build our “courage” muscles, developing a stronger collective backbone for our team, our organization, our world?

Patrick Lencioni (author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Death by Meeting, and many other leadership texts) recently wrote about heroism (a result of acting courageously) in today’s society, communities, and workplaces. Here is a thought (from Lencioni) to leave you with: “The next time we witness someone taking a difficult stand for what is right, whether it is in the workplace, at school, in your church or little league, let’s take the time to tell them that we admire them for what they did. And better yet, let’s tell them that we wish we could be more like them, and that they’ve inspired us to try. Not only will that reinforce their heroic behavior, it will also increase the likelihood that the next time we are faced with a moment of truth, no matter how small it may seem, we choose to be a hero, too.”